Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Yes We Can #6

We've got GREEN!

Yesterday, I came in after the weekend (unless I'm prepared to take Obama Chia to Evan's for the weekend, which I'm not, Obama Chia is going to have to be left alone for 2 day stretches), and he was a bit dry.  I realized that the showercap idea would have worked well for the weekend, just not on days where I was present to attend to Obama Chia's needs.

So, as you can see, he's getting kind of green, and I'm pleased:

While I'm disappointed in his bald patches, I could not be more thrilled with his ear sprouts.  I'm hoping the lush growth in some areas will make up for the deserts located on the sides of his head.  During my second attempt at Chia growth, I'll be experimenting with much trickier nose hair.  Presidential blasphemy?  Maybe.  But how can I not try?

Friday, January 8, 2010

Yes We Can #5

Just like Obama's current state of affairs, Chia Obama had some setbacks this morning.  While the instructions stated a shower cap might do Obama's growth some good, I failed to take into account the general abundance of humidity in San Francisco.  A double humidity whammy if you will.  I came in to work to find strange sperm-like seeds oozing down the back of Obama's neck.  It was kind of gross.

I fear bald spots on Obama's "determined" bust.

On the up side, the sperms are growing tails, so I'm doing something right. Unfortunately, I can't find my real camera, so the camera phone shots are all I have and they don't do close-ups. 

Later today, I'm going to seive the water in the tray for extra seeds in hopes I can replace them on his head.  The good thing with Obama Chia (and probably the real Obama) is, the seed packet provided more than a second chance.  I could be growing head sprouts all winter, if I so chose.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Yes We Can #4

Nothing good happened to Barack overnight.  Instruction #5 states:

5. Keep your Chia Obama filled with water each day.  Water will accumulate in the drip tray.  You can carefully reuse this water, or discard it.  It is important to keep the seeds moist for the first few days after planting.  This can be achieved by using a loose plastic bag to cover your Chia until the seeds sprout (3-4 days), creating a mini-greenhouse.  This increases warmth and humidity around the seeds.  Frequent misting will also help. 

I wish I had a mini shower cap.  That would be hilarious,

but a left over bulk-granola bag seems to work rather well.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Yes We Can #3

The instructions are as follows:

1. Submerge your Chia in water for 1 hour.

I didn't expect this step for some reason. But it gave me a little pleasure to think that if I submerged my Obama, and I forgot about it for days, it would crumble into clay dust in the bucket.

The bucket was swiped from the kitchen. It was a relief no one noticed me walking to my office with a bucket of water. Explaining would have only increased my feelings of guilt for spending work time on this project.

This is my favorite picture so far:

He looks so peaceful, submerged in the bucket.

2. In a separate container, mix 2 teaspoons of Chia Seeds and 1/4 cup of water. Allow to sit for 1 hour, stirruing mixture occasionally to moisten the seeds. The seeds will form a gel-like paste which will help seeds adhere to your Chia Obama.

Also, I thought I'd wash yesterday's breakfast dish. Oatmeal.

After an hour, the Obama head looked basically the same, but the seeds were positively gelatenous. As per usual, I did not really read the directions thoroughly, so I did not mix the seed goo during the soaking hour. I think it'll be fine.

3. Fill Chia Obama with water and place in drip tray provided. Apply seed mixture to the grooved surfaces of your Chia, using your fingers, or a small knife or spoon. Take care not to clump seeds. You may not use all of the seed mixture.

I was toying with different ideas regarding a Chia goatee or Chia 'stache. In the end, I went with Chia ear-hair as it was the option in which I had the most confidence. Keep your fingers crossed.

The seed smearing process was a bit messier than I had anticipated. And because it was so gooey, I felt more like I was inseminating Chia Obama rather than sowing seeds on his head. The seed goo was not super easy to handle, but I was pleased by how it adhered to the terraces in Obama's head.

And now we wait...

Yes We Can #2

The contents of the Chia box are simple. A plastic tray, chia seeds, minimal instructions, and of course, the clay statue.

Here are some close-ups of my statue:

He looks Barack-ish. Not too far off. If you can't see, under his name it says, "44th President, USA".

I like the "Yes We Can" on either side. Inspiration!

The back of his head is interesting. It looks like terrace agriculture.

Yes We Can #1

I've never received a Chia Pet as a gift before. I've always wondered whether I'd enjoy one, but of course, I don't believe one should buy a chia pet for oneself.

This year was my year. A friend got my name in a Secret Santa, and she was the one to gift me with this flaural responsibility. Not only is it a Chia Pet, it is a Chia OBAMA. I'm honored. To maximize enjoyment, I thought I'd share the experience via this blog that no one reads. Photos included.

While travelling home from Topeka, KS, I decided not to pack my Chia Obama in my suitcase. Instead, I took it as a carry on. When going through security at the Kansas City, MO airport, the X-ray security lady asked, "Who is the statue of?" I couldn't conceive she was speaking to me until I remembered what was in my bag. "Oh, that's a Chia Obama," I replied. "Yeah, I thought those were a joke at first." "Me too, until I got one for myself," and with that, I felt my sense of connection to Chia Obama blooming like the sprouts soon to be growing from his head.

Not sure if you can tell, but at the bottom of the box it says, "Chia Obama 'Determined'". This begs the question, "What other Chia Obamas are available?" Chia Obama "Goofy"? Chia Obama "Bummed"? I'll save that google for later.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Are you a TIGER?

Most of the time I love crazy people.

Last night I stopped at Cafe Abir for a cappuccino on my way to tutoring (I tutor a 16 year old girl every Wednesday). I've been going there for 11 years now, on and off. For the entire time, a man has been working there who, as the years go by, has slipped deeper and deeper into annoying insanity. Cafe Abir is connected to a sushi restaurant and a sake store. Since the sake store opened, I believe he's been annexed to that area for its lack of customers. Yesterday, however, he was in the actual cafe.

He's a tiny man, with an English accent worn smooth by too much time in the States. A few years ago, he dedicated himself to growing out the wiry halo of hair remaining on his head. A miserable pony tail has since sprouted from the base of his skull. It's the kind I fantasize cutting off with a clean snip. Lucky for the world of male pony tails, you can't just cut one off in the clean snip and slink away into the shadows unnoticed. You really have to work to cut one off. I've seen it done on What Not To Wear, and noted it in the "Things I can't do" section of my brain.

When I walked up to the counter, he was being verbose and loud with a couple he clearly knew from previous orders. Every sentence was accompanied by big sweeping motions of his arms and hands. His accent was heavier and more Renn Faire-ish. Actually, he was speaking his own brand of Ye Olde English. You probably know, Renn Faire people confuse and embarrass me. I try to avoid them. He also sounded a little like Stewie from Family Guy, now that I think of it.

While he was taking his time writing on a paper cup to be used for the couple's order, they walked away. He turned to me and said, "What do you want, WOMAN?" I could have played along. It was my choice, at that point. But screw that. I suddenly found myself in shanking mode.

"Ah, I'll have a large non fat cappucino," said with death lasers coming out of my eyes.

"OH! You're a TIGER! GRRR!! Are you a TIGER?? Is that your BIRTH year??" he asked while making one of those cat scratching motions WAY too close to my boobs. He was referring to the Detroit Tigers hoodie I was wearing. Goddamn it, why don't I carry mace?

"Are you actually ready to take my order?"

"No, not really." And he continued to write on the cup from the last order. I swear to god he was holding it up like Hamlet holding up Yorick's skull.

"Well, why don't you let me know when you're ready." He was visibly disappointed I didn't want to play his little game and that I was starting to be a bitch about it. What I really wanted was to be anonymous-coffee-orderer so that I could get to tutoring on time.

"Are you having a bad DAY?" he asked in Renn Faire voice. I really hate when people piss me off, then blame my day for it. My day was just fine. There was nothing wrong with my day.

"No, my day was great. You're just driving me nuts." He was almost speechless. But not quite. At that point he went into mock-employee mode asking me what I wanted and being snidely courteous about everything in his hammed up accent. His face needed punching.

He returned my change, and I walked away. "You're welcome!" I was just so glad to be away from him, I could not care. I waited for my cappuccino for 10 minutes while he made a big deal of making the couple's drink first, then taking his sweet time to make mine. I knew my cappuccino was going to suck, and I considered just walking away from the money I'd spent to save myself the stress of standing there waiting. Instead I used my phone as a life line and texted a couple people. Eventually, he called my drink, I grabbed it and turned, in the same manner, away from him and got another "You're welcome!" Again, I could not have cared less. I just wanted away from the madness.

The cappuccino truly sucked. I drank every drop.