Wednesday, July 9, 2008
hammerhead sharks
a hammerhead shark can detect a half a billionth of a volt of electricity. this is more than enough to pick up the heartbeats of fish. they're the only being to hunt using electricity on this planet. i'm so amazed. thank you animal planet.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
SOS
I'm sending out a distress signal. I'm now on my fourth hour of Rock of Love. Brett Michaels is a loathsome human being. Pretty much a douche. He loves the word "awesome". A whole lot. He says "Here's the thing...".
And there are women who continue to want to sleep with him. I'm pretty sure these women had collagen injected in their brains. OOPS! I missed your upper lip! I cannot relate to a single one of them. They make me itchy. But I need to see this competition through.
What cracks me up is his ridiculous decision making skills. "Yes, she's manipulative. Yes, she's lied to me, but she's doing what she has to to get her man, and I like that."
Yet, I feel i need to see this through. I need to know who is chosen to be his ROCK OF LOVE.
And there are women who continue to want to sleep with him. I'm pretty sure these women had collagen injected in their brains. OOPS! I missed your upper lip! I cannot relate to a single one of them. They make me itchy. But I need to see this competition through.
What cracks me up is his ridiculous decision making skills. "Yes, she's manipulative. Yes, she's lied to me, but she's doing what she has to to get her man, and I like that."
Yet, I feel i need to see this through. I need to know who is chosen to be his ROCK OF LOVE.
Monday, June 30, 2008
fabulous one liner
"That kid's fruitier than Carmen Miranda's hat rack."
I will be applying this liberally.
I will be applying this liberally.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
another bathroom thing
yet another wrapper on a society obsessed with sealable airtight products.
What in the F is the deal with toilet seat liners? Why are we using these? Is it to absorb the pee drops some women can't resist leaving on a public toilet seat (another blog altogether)? Disappointingly and frrom experience, it doesn't absorb the pee enough. Are they some magical barrier preventing the spread of all those nasty toilet seat transmitted diseases my great aunt warned my mother about? Or the crabs my sophomore year college roommate claimed she got from a toilet seat? Could their plague have been avoided?
Women who use these possibly-thousands-of-butts-touching-the-same-place preventers seem overly fussy to me. And they seem like germaphobes. These are the same women who harass their hands with antibacterial gel several times a day. We live in a world crammed full of people and its getting more crowded. Toilet seat liners aren't going to prevent a damned thing.
But PS: Here's what I LIKE about the toilet seat liners. It's fun to pee on the middle part until it collapses into the toilet. Although I don't like it enough to continue using them after my These-Are-Useless realization.
What in the F is the deal with toilet seat liners? Why are we using these? Is it to absorb the pee drops some women can't resist leaving on a public toilet seat (another blog altogether)? Disappointingly and frrom experience, it doesn't absorb the pee enough. Are they some magical barrier preventing the spread of all those nasty toilet seat transmitted diseases my great aunt warned my mother about? Or the crabs my sophomore year college roommate claimed she got from a toilet seat? Could their plague have been avoided?
Women who use these possibly-thousands-of-butts-touching-the-same-place preventers seem overly fussy to me. And they seem like germaphobes. These are the same women who harass their hands with antibacterial gel several times a day. We live in a world crammed full of people and its getting more crowded. Toilet seat liners aren't going to prevent a damned thing.
But PS: Here's what I LIKE about the toilet seat liners. It's fun to pee on the middle part until it collapses into the toilet. Although I don't like it enough to continue using them after my These-Are-Useless realization.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Meditation
Is it considered meditation if you're sitting on the toilet? Honestly, I get into some deep relaxation and heavy thoughts when I'm sitting there. My mind can either be deeply engaged in my body or float far far away. Plus, I'm more naked, so I feel closer to my "natural state".
The only issue I face are the other women who share the bathroom. Sometimes they use the bathroom for meditation purposes. Most of the time this does not distract me from my own, but sometimes it does. What I really don't like are the heavy breathers. These women act like the bathroom is a trauma to be endured. They really throw off my vibes.
The only issue I face are the other women who share the bathroom. Sometimes they use the bathroom for meditation purposes. Most of the time this does not distract me from my own, but sometimes it does. What I really don't like are the heavy breathers. These women act like the bathroom is a trauma to be endured. They really throw off my vibes.
Monday, June 23, 2008
hell is knocking
http://www.heelarious.com/index.php
further evidence we are very very close to the end of the world. VERY CLOSE.
From another article about the HEELarious baby heels, "The weight of a baby standing up in them would apparently crack the heel in half." Crack in half and splinter into your baby's feet? Are there homing devices embedded in the shoes by the Departement of Social Services tracking all the A-hole mothers who buy these? Jesus on a stick, I hope so.
further evidence we are very very close to the end of the world. VERY CLOSE.
From another article about the HEELarious baby heels, "The weight of a baby standing up in them would apparently crack the heel in half." Crack in half and splinter into your baby's feet? Are there homing devices embedded in the shoes by the Departement of Social Services tracking all the A-hole mothers who buy these? Jesus on a stick, I hope so.
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