hell is knocking

http://www.heelarious.com/index.php

further evidence we are very very close to the end of the world. VERY CLOSE.

From another article about the HEELarious baby heels, "The weight of a baby standing up in them would apparently crack the heel in half." Crack in half and splinter into your baby's feet? Are there homing devices embedded in the shoes by the Departement of Social Services tracking all the A-hole mothers who buy these? Jesus on a stick, I hope so.

pink lemonade

Wikipedia says some guy accidentally put cinamon candies in his yellow lemonade and it sold "surprisingly well". After that, grenadine was used to color pink lemonade. So... pink lemonade is pink because of food coloring and it has always been thus. I am unimpressed, folks.

Question

What the hell is PINK lemonade?! Seriously, I was pouring a package of Pink Lemonade flavored EmergenC into my Nalgene bottle, and thought "Is there such a thing as a pink lemon?" and not in the ironic way. I feel like the plastic coating on my American life has finally seeped into my brain.

Anybody got any answers on the pink thing?

in a meeting

i was in a meeting this morning. the meeting went pretty well. i like talking about designing databases, organizing information (seriously, shut up). but then i got bored. the views from our offices are reeeeaaaaalllyyy nice. I often just stare out the window to give my brain a break.

halfway through a point being made, i lost it and my attention carreened into the Bay and Angel Island and Alcatraz. i mentally perked up a few seconds later realizing i had lost the thread of the conversation. i laughed to myself thinking, "this is one of those moments in the Simpsons where Homer has a thought bubble with a circus monkey banging symbols and Homer's voice saying 'doh doh doh doh doh....'" Then I literally thought "doh doh doh doh doh...." and truly lost any hope of recovering back into the gyst of the meeting. that seemed pretty dumb to me.

the ring

Is it wrong to build my own engagement ring online while at work? Probably no more wrong than blogging about it directly afterward.

In case you'd like to know...

square cut platinum shank setting

.84 carat D color Very Good Cut WS1 (I don't know what that means) diamond

It only costs $5250!! Uh, hmmmm.

I know I should be concerning myself with more important issues. But the girl in me is calling out to the lovely shiny ring. Kiss me, lovely shiny ring. I want to wake up with a craggy deep indentation on my cheek from your pointy pointy corners. I want you to distract me with your brilliance while driving around town. I want to jiggle my hand ever so slightly to adjust your placement, so that others may see you better.

There aren't too many aspects of the All-American wedding dream I actually buy into. Yet, clearly, I'm a deer caught in the ring's dazzling-cut, D-colored headlights.

perusing

I was perusing the other blogs. I became slightly dissillusioned.

#1 Lots of blogs that LOOK interesting - judging from the pictures - but are in a different language. Primarily Spanish. NO ABLA damnit...

#2 Lots of boring pictures of white people's babies. Your baby is fat and blonde. Duh.

#3 SCRAP BOOKING. What? Yes. I went through probably 20 different blogs. THREE of them referenced or were all about scrap booking. I call it crap booking. Because who give a crap? Crap Booking is lame. Did you know there are crap booking classes?! Mid American INSANITY, I say. Go back to school or something. Leave the puffy paint to the 3rd grade glitter princesses.

PS: Sorry to all you crap bookers out there.

the lawyer was mean to me

Ok, really. This is work. No need to be mean. I swear to god, she was angry from the moment she called. "This is just a renegotiation. Why are we making all these changes?!" Yelling. My boss could hear her yelling from my handset. I became a wrung out wash cloth. When she demanded not to deal with me "You're not an ATTORNEY?! I think I should speak with an attorney..." My response? "Ok, that sounds nice. Goodbye." And I hung up. I was so completely discombobulated that "Ok, that sounds nice." was the only thing I could think of to say. I just wanted her OFF... MY... PHONE.

I think I just failed "Angry 101 - How to deal with difficult client lawyers"