Weird things that happened to me yesterday

Everything listed happened yesterday after work. Up until that point, things were going swell.

1. EAST-WEST KNEES. On the bus home, a tiny guy sat next to me. Why is it guys on the smaller side insist on doing east-west knees? I understand sitting with legs akimbo, but NOT doing hip openers, pinning my leg with either the East or West wing in the process. This is RUDE as well as confusing. He was also short enough to use my lap as his elbow rest. That's what really got me. My solution was to wedge my large bag under and up, so that he'd be forced to move his appendages from my lap. When I got up, he gave me this smile as if to say, "Thanks for being an arm rest." I was roiling.

2. PURPLE VELVET. On the bus to yoga, I was sitting minding my business, AGAIN. This time I heard one stranger say to another stranger, "Purple is my favorite color." Yoinks? This is a perfectly normal statement for one friend to say to another, or a 5 year old to anyone, but not two strangers. My little antennae perked up, as I needed to hear what came next. "My NAME is Purple. Purple Velvet. I changed my name about ten years ago." Oh jesus God GOD! I couldn't see Purple Velvet, but I suspected she's awash in... purple. The other stranger, a kind faced woman I watched closely, reacted with restraint and a greater understanding of just how deep that particular rabbit hole went. Ms. Velvet then launched into a story about a woman who loved blue. Her whole house was blue. The way she said "blue" I could tell her face was pinched with mild disgust. When I got up this time, I looked down to see a small woman around 55 with tie dyed purple leggings, a floppy purple velvet hat with a large Renaissance Festival feather limply pinned to it's side. I couldn't really focus to see the rest of the outfit, as it would have caused an anxiety attack. There might have been a blazer of purple velvet as well

3. MY THERAPIST SAID. Between the bus and the yoga studio there are 2 blocks. On the first block, I approached a group of late teen early twenties skater boys. They were laughing and joking, and all of the sudden, I heard one of them say to the rest, "Well, that's what my therapist told me..." Of course, mental health is awesome, and it's good to know this 19 year old boy was looking after his. But in the history of my being, I've never known a 19 year old boy who could so confidently and comfortably utter that phrase. Bizarre? Yes. Generally Positive? Also, yes.

4. PICKLE JAR. I have a great love of good pickles. Not Vlasic or any other crappy name brand. I'm talking the big jar of pickles with the menorah and Hebrew on it. The kind where the large garlic chunks tempt you to fish them out once the pickles are gone. It's not uncommon for me to eat one every night after I get home from yoga. Last night, I dropped the damned jar. Pickle juice everywhere. I ate both remaining pickles as I felt a pickle without its brine is like a fish out of water. It could not survive for long. Before this incident, I had vowed to be as piggy in my apartment as I wanted to be, for the weekend was coming and when it came I would clean. In the meantime, I sopped up all the pickle juice and glass, quickly realizing the smell would only go away with a good mopping. Should I break my vow of slop? NO! Instead, I reasoned, I will not be at home tonight, as I will be attending a birthday party, which leaves just this morning and tomorrow morning to enjoy the vinegarry aroma, wafting to all corners of my small home.

It was a helluvah day...